last day of PE for the week

PE is still in the early development stages -- I'm working on an outline (& unfortunately without U-boat), I have yet to scan "The Celebration of the Lizard" into the machine -- but seriously doubt that I'll have any time today to write, other than Internet stuff. Yesterday, my writing time was cut short when Trish came home from work early. Then Car-girl picked me up to chauffer me down to the welfare office to turn in Trish's wage check stubs. After that we went to Boxcars, where she ordered a plate of nachos. She has a test coming up Friday, so she wanted help studying. I copped out & didn't answer one question 'cause it involved evolution, & you can't argue with creation science/intelligent design. Speaking of which, Bill Warren sent me an elaborate defense of creation today, & I plan to ignore it, just as I dodged Car-girl's curiousity. It is difficult to "believe" when you've looked on the face of the Abyss & lived.

I wasn't hungry when Car-girl dropped me off, after having picked up triple-blade razors, bread & toothpaste at the Downtown Dollar store. Neither Trish nor I were terribly hungry, so we postponed our meal until 7:00. After that we made out for awhile, still tormented by the famous Mr. ED. We watched Trish's Britney Spears thing, then got into an argument over money in bed. We have very little right now, 'cause of taxes, & need to keep groceries in the house until food stamps come in.

Phoenix Enthralled

The components of my life which center about Trish -- lustrous lady of a sacred world -- have remained fairly constant for the last couple days: cooking breakfast, sometimes pancakes, sometimes French toast; listening to the stereo after breakfast; the taxi ride to work; eating veggies after work; playing the keyboard while she's in the shower -- I've about memorized the chords to Light My Fire; cooking supper (last night we had chicken); then waiting around for Trish to finish her daily chore (yesterday she cleaned Ula-tek's cage); watching TV (Buffy this time around); then going to bed with Toastie Bear cranked. What's changed is the sudden Drive to finish Phoenix Enthralled. This has come in place of Ted & my TC story. I at least want to finish the outline, & scan the body of Part I into the computer. Because I think that their advice might be so lame, & with ebbing vision making it harder & harder to remain in the group, I'm not Crittering this one. It's a symbolic story; I know, Stan wants me to concentrate less on the symbols, but I'm afraid 90% of the Critters wouldn't even be aware of them, & would make suggestions that would damage the underlying matrix that supports the surface. However, I'm not leaving Critters unless I have to, because my participation ratio is so high that -- well, maybe I don't have to; can do an RFDR & have the story critiqued that way. I'm not running it thru the queue. Takes too long & you get people coming in in the middle of the novel. I feel the Abilify, like the submarines 30 years ago, are giving me the ability to complete the thing without all the "help" from teenage D.A.R.E. brats. Teenage D.A.R.E. brats want my Dick & not my Philip K. Fantasy!

the famous Mr. ED, or do I really need Viagra?

Last night, while snuggling Trish under Toastie Bear, I got a major woody. The only reason we didn't go bouncy-bouncy is that it's cold in the bedroom. I don't know what it was then, but this morning when I turned on the computer, it was 8 below. So instead, Trish simply fondled Mr. Friendly, & I almost had an orgasm.

I've been having ED since I began haldol, which must've been about 7 years ago now, & for that period, I had real problems with ED. Trish would always worry something was wrong with her, when actually it was just a medication side-effect, & fuck all the Scientologists who'll read this page & start babbling about "abuses of psychiatry". Scientologists have killed more people than psychiatrists. Yes, I mean killed. By promoting all this phony pseudo-scientific stupid "vitamins" crap in the place of real medicine, they've led to the death of numerous people.

So now that the haldol is wearing out of my system, Mr. ED is going away. I hope to be fully recovered in another week. Assuming we make it to Griffles in this Invisible weather, I'm going to see about replacing the Depakote with more Abilify.

So yesterday I worked on my pitch for Phoenix Enthralled, to send to Analog. I reached the place where the frame trails off into the part about the psychedelic substances, & didn't know who, next, would break on thru to the other side. In the original, pre-Cawelti material, Part II opens with Smith in Afric, crafting a kobold. I wrote that section for Bill Veeder, after he'd complained that I'd "lost it", so I took a day off from writing, broke out the atomic bong, & went to the Art Institute to look at the Dali. Then the next day I started over again, writing on a real atomic submarine. He responded, "I don't know what you're doing now, but you're back on the right track". So somehow I must bridge the part where Farber is found alive with what's concurrently going on in his mind. I'm asking Stan if he'll allow me to work up the first 5K words of each of the 4 sections. Also, this story isn't being Critter'd. It's too symbolic, & the last time I tried that, someone made the inane suggestion that I should "add some sexual tension by adding [name], the ultra-feminist who's angry whenever your eyes stray beneath her eyes, or Bubbles, the ultra-sexy nympho". & like yeah, duh, I could do that, but neither of them are part of the symbolism, albeit Stan believes I concentrated too much on that. Whatever the case, my best work I created without Critters, nothing I've sent thru them has made it into publication, my best work was done solo, & it's all a matter of drugs: some of my complex soup of neuraleptics interfered with my creativity in the past, coupled with the schizophrenia that destroyed so many of my dreams, after Dr. Day refused to take me off Navane & put me on something that worked.

The alarm clock just went off. The kitchen light burned out this morning & I have to change it before breakfast.

yesterday & today...

...it's the same old story, all of their glory is a pantomime...

Yesterday, I continued my vacation from the computer, to watch the Doors (a perpetual source of inspiration for me). I'd planned to go out to El Taco Loco for lunch, however, I got hungry before the movie ended, so I grabbed a peanut butter sandwich & an apple. I started The Wall, but Fred called. At the time I almost wished he hadn't, as I'm exploring to listening to more things with the ProLogic setting on my antiquated JVC receiver, instead of the Theater mode. But I invited him over anyway, since the DVD player resumes where you left off when it turns back on. About the time the movie ended, Trish came home, carrying vegetables. I enjoyed them, since all I'd had other than the sandwich had been an apple. We finished off the sketti that I'd made a couple nights ago. I watched a little bit of TV in the evening, but I don't remember what I watched (which shows how good it was).

Today I woke up around 6:20. I didn't get to the blog like usual, as Ted had sent back MR with an elaborate apology -- he copped out of doing the extra scene, instead altering a few sections that didn't need it & providing some background on Y & S. OK, so maybe that stuff needed to be done, but I told him that he can just take his time with the story: I want to resume work on Phoenix Enthralled, which I retired after becoming a boarder at the Hotel Gonzo. I did do a couple redrafts, like the one Carole Moron hated (can't find anything about her on the Internet) & the one Stan Schmidt liked. It had the fastest turn-around time ever: 6 days. I mailed it on a Monday & it came back on a Saturday. I want to send him a brief (hopefully) outline & request that, if I do it as a 3-part serial, & he wants to see a sample, I work up the first 5K words of each section.

Writing the outline is my writing chore for the day. I also have to work on the chords to Light My Fire. I could've started all this earlier, but once more, I wasted a lot of time on Hot or Not. I think I'm insecure about love/sex, & try to double-match with women, even though I explicitly state "pen pals only", because I was so hated in college. From my suicide note to Becky to the error of desiring VADIS, I think it left me with doubts about my worth as a human being. This is why Trish is so special. The girl with the teddy bear collection really cares. I may skim a few more profiles before lunch, but frankly, the days of Vadisadism inflicted by Alfalfa High have long since vanished. I have somebody to love.

...another manic Sunday

Well, I may technically be manic-depressive, & my attitude's like, fuck Scientology, I'm taking my pills, but I'm not really manic today. Nor am I depressed. I'm right in the middle, which may or may not be a good thing. I'd kind of like to be hypomanic again. I need U-boat, which the change is sure to come from. Jon Tester supports medical marijuana (yay!) (& the Scooby Club can all go take a walk), so within a year I should have my license to smoke dope -- if I can con Dr. Boes into writing up a 'script. My writing has always been dependent on new chemicals. the acid burned my brain; but real atomic submarines aside, do I have the Abilify to carry on? Certainly. That's 'cause Scientology & the Scooby Club (Narcoholics Numinous) are full of shit.

So this Sunday I'm not really expecting to do much. I'm on a temporary hiatus from writing, until Ted finishes the romance/re-make/re-model of "Movement & Repose", but I may send off some email today, or write some snail-mail, as I have stamps now. Fred will be over around 1:30 to jam. Yesterday, I worked out the harmony parts for Light My Fire, a real kind of jazzy Rasta cigar song (I should practice it to a reggae beat).

Also yesterday, the cold weather brought in few customers to Pizza Hut, so, to my surprise, Trish called about 2:00 & said she could come home -- & with minimal conflict with Bridget.

Once back here, Trish & I ate the vegetables that she'd picked up at work, then prepared for church -- did I say Hope's converting to Catholicism? Anyway, once Trish came out of the shower, we ate our leftover sketti so we could make it to the 5:00 Mass.

The sermon made Trish paranoid, though. I'm not certain what was the matter. I guess the visiting priest set something off by asking for money for some charity, & he kept mentioning "Hope".

When we arrived home, I started channel surfing while Trish did the laundry. We just watched Alien: Resurrection on Starz & then Miss Congeniality on TBS, before bedtime. Unfortunately, she didn't influence me, not even exasperation of VADIS. Kimothy is trying to influence me, but withdrawing from her a month ago has brought her to not-visiting, & it should probably stay that way. The only woman who should influence me is my wife. This really excludes the Vast Active Destructive Intelligence System, who declared her hatred of me after a drunken frat party, sicked Alfalfa High on me, & had them maliciously con me into drinking inordinate amounts of liquor -- vodka -- after I ate 4 hits of acid. This destabilized me, not the atomic submarines, & I met a black hooker, & she helped more than the Kentuckified VADIS ever did.

Oh, & I may go to El Taco Loco for lunch.

ungerfunging vinter

The weather outside has turned really nasty, & quite abruptly from Thanksgiving day. Indeed, there is a winter snow advisory this morning. 2 more weeks to see Doc Larocque; I hope the weather is nicer then. The 10-day forecast has it warming back up to around 40 next week, but we see her on the 6th, & it could become worse in the meantime.

Yesterday, I cracked the garden hose trying to pick it up; I should've done that earlier. I did that in the evening; the day leading up to it was fairly typical, for a day Trish had off, & the day after Turkey Day. Mostly, she just slept in; ate her cereal (nummy treats!); then we lounged around until lunchtime. After a ridiculous sermon by the preacher man -- the first 5 books of the Bible were dictated to Moses; get real! -- we did some grocery shopping at Albertson's, with Trish's buckadingdongs. Hope called around 3:00 -- Hope springs eternal -- now she's converting to Catholicism. Around 5:00 I cooked a huge pot of sketti. Trish helped by chopping up the green pepper & onion, which I sauteed before simmering them in the sauce. After her shower, we watched T2 on VHS; Battlestar Galactica wasn't on last nite. I fell almost immediately into a deep sleep when we went to bed, although I did have to readjust Toastie Bear in the middle of the night, when I awakened to the Doors tribute album on my little Rectilinears, which need a new midrange, when I can afford it. The drivers in there now are a couple cheapies from Radio Shaft.

Today, when Trish is at work, I have to read the current issue of ScienceNews.org, as well as Skiffy Weekly.

I'm still evolving ideas for my latest project aimed at Platinum Studios; a really unique approach to time-travel.

That's the problem with my writing. It's too unique. If it functioned on the level of a cliche, I could be the next Invisible Hog. He's pretty much into cliches, himself, as he knows nothing of real science & only knows how to hit one chord.

The other thing I'm doing today is playing my keyboard. I'm learning Light My Fire & need to work out all the chords.

The day after Turkey Day...

...was when all the cartoons premiered when I was 7; I think that was also the year I got a Johny 7 OMA for X-mas: 7 weapons in one.

So herbst und summer sint vergunging, und der vinter ist ungerfunging. We've got an ungerfunging X-mas, & after paying house taxes, we won't realistically be able to buy all kinds of presents. I may simply burn some CDs.

So today is the day after Turkey Day. I remember years ago the Fundamentalist nutcase in the Soup Kitchen was lamenting that we have to take "God & the Bible" out of school texts (of course we have to; it's unconstitutional), so Thanksgiving had to be relabelled "Turkey Day", though where that leaves the vegetarians, I'm not certain.

After Trish woke at 9:00, to the sound of me printing up a page on granny squares, we watched Bryan Ferry until the free turkey feed at the church. Dan & Jim Dolph were both there.

When we came home, we watched Titanic, then put on some CDs while Trish played Penguins. I wish I could play U-boat & be a submarine captain again: always torpedoed (as Nicotine Tim put it).

We ate TV dinners for supper. Trish had the Chinese one, while I had Mexican. She got extremely upset after supper, when she couldn't reach Kenneth. When we were about ready to go to bed, Dion called, & it turns out he loves Battlestar Galactica as much as Trish does.

The alarm will sound soon. She's insisting on vacuuming today, even though it's her day off; on the other hand, our peanuts made a major mess last night, cracking them & everything.

Turkey Day & since Tuesday

Today is Turkey Day; yay!, not for Beefaroni, but St. Jude's; every year they put on a free dinner, for which 1/2 the town shows up (it's a small town). Then Trish wants to get real Titanic with the peanuts I picked up yesterday at Fat Albertson's.

I haven't written in this blog since Monday, as Tuesday the server was down, & Wednesday, I wanted to work on TC, so I'd have it ready to go to Ted. Actually, I'd been working on it all week with that intent, so Tuesday, when Car-girl & I went out to Pizza Hut to pick up the Bumble Bee Girl, I stayed home from the Soup Kitchen, not merely to avoid Fundamentalist idiocy, but to do as much work as possible on the story.

Christy didn't know we had a new hamster. When we were done at Pizza Hut we went to see the Pet Shop Boy, for a new cage for Ula-tek. He'd been chewing on the plastic in his old cage, trying to chew his way out.

Then Tuesday night I slept poorly, in spite of the temazapam, partly 'cause of the pop, but also 'cause Trish woke me up to go to the bathroom. I couldn't get back to sleep, so while Trish was at work, I did a rather cursory job of completing TC before sending it along to Ted.

Then when Trish was cleaning the kitchen, the burner fell apart on her. I called Fred, then Jeff. I'd been watching Heavy Metal in ProLogic (yes, it's an old amp), so by the time Jeffer Auss finished fixing it the movie had finished. I went channel-surfing, & found CSI: Miami on Arts&Entertainment. Since I'd been burned out so bad yesterday, I took 3 temazapam & slept soundly until after 6:00 this morning.

I look forward to living a fun day with my Bumble Bee Girl. I am no longer Kimothy Leery. Trish is the only one in the world; now I have found my girl.

To boldly go where no one has gone before...

...if you actually try it, it comes back with a form letter: F&SF bounced "Astronomy Domine" yesterday, something which, thankfully, I didn't find out until lunch-time, when I left for the Soup Kitchen & saw the manilla envelope in my box. I took the afternoon off, to watch TV, as I was down & Karen & I had to run an errand over at the welfare office.

I also had to run my taxes past the Layout. When I mentioned to Karen that we needed money for the water bill & groceries, she wrote up a couple $50 checks.

I forgot what I was doing & went online when the taxi picked Trish up; missed her phone call. She called up while on break & chewed me out a little bit for it.

Karen also had me look at new hamster cages. Ula-tek has been chewing his plastic; we're planning on buying him a wire one.

This morning, I deleted a Star member from my double-match list. She replied in monosyllables &/or one-sentence responses. I told her that it'd make more sense just to send notes, she replied, "Don't ask stupid questions," click, & it's bye-bye, Rochelle.

Trish: driving me crazy to an early grave

Trish announced last night, out of the blue, that she wasn't driving any more 'cause of her scoliosis. This led to one major fight, after I told her I was disappointed & thought she was giving in to her fears. We Kalled Karen, & she said that, yes, Trish has a handicap -- which IMO is not insurmountable -- but that she has until April to think about it.

While she was cleaning I found a step-by-step guide to granny sqares on the web, & printed it up for her. That resolved the issue for awhile, but I feel that, until April, driving is going to be the new moths.

I also called Ted & discussed MR/TC. I guess I broke some of the rules in Romance for Dummies in MR/TC. This is my purpose in bringing in a romance author. I'll take the Thanksgiving weekend off, & try to listen to some of the MP3's Ted sent me.

Rochelle Music (aspiring model)

So there's yet another chick I met on the Internet, Rochelle, whose Karen Relationship appears doomed, not to mention this is the 3rd or 4th anniversary of Kimothy exasperating VADIS (which I used to do in the City of Night), all of which has me Leery, & I don't know exactly which way I'm going to go. I need my feet back firmly on the ground: Trish went to Church with me last night, but the Body & Blood did not make me fly the astral plane. I felt hollow & empty, in spite of which I prayed. I prayed that I wouldn't have to be influenced by the wrong people anymore. I love my Bumble Bee Girl. Not Rochelle, aspiring singer, aspiring model, published poet. Oh well. If she were a scam artist, she wouldn't have replied with a simple, "Um OK".

Apart from acquiring a new double-match (a Star member) on Hot or Not), Saturday went fairly typically. I fixed Trish toasted frog for brecchie, then we watched the episode of Battlestar Galactica we'd taped the nite before. The cab took her ticket to work, & she vanished into the maw of Pizza Hut. After she left, I eventually tired of looking at pics of women who scorn me, & hunted around for a crocheting site that'd show Trish how to make a granny square. She spent 24 buckadingdongs on yarn, & now she can't remember how to start a blanket. Karen (one of the many non-Relationships kind) was less than helpful when Trish sought aid.

I went out to the Soup Kitchen for lunch, & came back with a gallon of milk, 4 yogurts, & a carton of eggs.

I worked on TC/MR in the afternoon. I've really changed the characterization in the S/J relationship (she cares; he doesn't) & want to return it to Ted over the Thanksgiving day weekend, as he said he has time to write then, & I am seeking his help as a romance author. I've already managed to pump up the characterization quite a bit by changing S & Y into POV characters, but want to explore that a bit more.

The other new thing that I did yesterday is something frequently used in commercial SF, but I've never done before, 'cause I've always been more concerned with image & symbol: I described a fight. I'll have to rework it some more today, if I reach the passage. I've started over from the beginning, & will be slowed down by adding the S/Y scenes, which offer conflict & climax.

Then, when Trish arrived at our house, she discovered that she'd grabbed someone else's bag, rather than the one with her clothes. She called Becky (damnable first crush which engaged Vadisystems), who came by with the correct bag. We ate early -- leftover 'sketti -- as Trish wanted to go to Church. I saw God in one once, on acid. It was beautiful. I saw God die once, while psychotic. I don't know if S/He exists, so in Church I mostly just debate theology with myself. But Trish is religious, & she enjoys talking with the Heavenly Father, so I remain silent in the face of the All & the Abyss. The only thing beyond God is Sisyphus.

chrocheting granny squares

Friday I slept in a little, but still got out of bed before Trish; surfed the cyber-seas for women who were hotornot.com, then, once Trish was out of bed & had finished her cereal, sat around & listened to the CDs in my changer. I took a bath, as my finger is now pretty healed (scalded it on coffee on the 6th, final shot day). Trish waited awhile for her shower, to replenish the supply of hot water, & also did dishes: same situation, you always have to wait.

At noon, we went over to Feed My Sheep, who had open face sandwiches that day. A trip to the grocery store ate $12 of the 40 buckadingdongs I'd ear-marked for food for the week. Including yogurt.

While Trish did a little bit of housekeeping -- vacuuming -- I ran out to Western drug for Abilify (do I have the speed to carry on?) & Artane, the latter of which Trish needed also. We watched a lot of TV & Trish played a lot of Penguins. I fixed us some sketti, & sauteed the onion & green pepper we'd bought, in order to add it to the sauce. Unfortunately, I started to cook the sketti too soon, the veggies weren't completely done, but we ate it anyway. Trish also liked the idea of eating leftovers today, so she could go to Church on Saturday.

Then I wanted to take a nap, so we could stay up & see Battlestar Galactica. While I tried to nap, Trish called the woman who'd taught her to crochet, as she'd forgotten how to start a granny square. Karen didn't understand why Trish couldn't see her after work -- taxi grab -- & refused to visit our domicile. Finally, we tried the Internet, but couldn't come up with a page that'd show diagrams. One page I printed up she tore up & threw in the garbage, which turned me into Cranky Bear: ink is expensive.

Keith called while I was trying to help Trish; I called him back when Trish finally decided to experiment, using the page I did print up. I called back, but being a terminal addict of the orgasm drug (not the sex-wise) I decided to go to bed early & tape our TV show.

I got out of bed around 6:00 this morning, & found a bunch of messages from fantasy friends on my email. This led me to the Hot or Not page, which went "Oh my gosh, no way" again, but I can't tell if it's the people talking or the banner ad. The ad was up the last time it did this to me. Since I couldn't find anyone online now, I tried the keyword "science fiction". One woman who wrote seems well-poised to buy my book. I just wish I didn't have to self-promote so bad. If you want to see what I'm talking about, check out The Mind-Warp Era (pen name W.C. Leadbeater) at Amazon.com. It's a hot book.

Ula-tek

We boiught a new hamster yesterday, & he's a happy, happy, ham-ham-hamster (to quote the theme song from Hamtaro; personally, I prefer Spongebob Squarepants). In the morning Thursday we went over to the Perky Pam Layout, to meet Trish's quota of attending twice a month. I only go to be with her, so now that I'm thru with haldol shots, I won't be coming in every other Monday anymore, either.

Cheri fixed hot turkey sandwiches for lunch, leaving Trish & I both a little stuffed. Trish & I came home, after taking some money out of the bank for groceries, & also transferred 70 buckadingdongs into the Trips account, to give us an even $100 in McDonald's, but she gets paid today, so it's back up to over $200 again. With the minimum wage going up in January, we'll probably have enough to buy the raw drivers for Trish's homemade speakers for the basement.

After lunch Car-girl was scheduled to pick me up for TA, so Trish once more started her Britney thing. Car-girl showed up around 1:30, so I got to see plenty of the sensual seductress. Car-girl wanted to go out to the Gallery & study psychology, a subject I got damnably awful at when I tried to study it during my depression. She think I know the subject, but actually, I know systems theory, which ultimately militates against her Creationism/intelligent design; whatever they're calling that crap they want to put into grade school science textbooks.

Then we came home early, so Trish & I could go buy our new hamster. Car-girl went in with us, to make sure the guy didn't try to rip us off again. Hamster-man knows her mother buys a lot of stuff at the Invisibe Hamster Store (which also has fish & birds).

Once Trish left for her TA, I started to surf Hot or Not for a couple hours, & felt pretty lousy about it. I'm not certain why I need so many fantasy friends, but at least the ones who're talking to me respect my relationship & aren't demanding one out of me. Maybe I'm just a little irked that 2 of my contacts deleted me.

Trish came home around 5:00, with a bunch of yarn -- she's back into crocheting -- & some cheap plastic place mats. We decided to eat a couple Crazy Tacos, but she had a cheese crisp with sour cream & guacamole, whereas I had tots. We watched Heavy Metal, & just when it had about ended, Hope called. She claims she's paranoid, but doesn't have a specific group or person to localize her fear upon.

When Hope hung up, Trish & I shot the orgasm death. I think there's still plenty of haldol in my blood & the blood is in my dick, so even though, for much of the time, I did a better job of maintaining an erection, I still didn't have an ejaculation. Once I've had my heart checked out, & once I've been off haldol for awhile, if the problem persists, & it might at my age, I may go for that Viagra 'script Dr. Nolan promised me.

The homemade speakers are on hold until after X-mas. Too many expenditures there. Since we're limited for shelf space, I'm thinking of just that Pioneer 4-1/2" full range for the rear, & the full range plus an old Pioneer tweeter for the front, albeit with a 6 db-octave crossover, instead of a 12 db-octave one. If Karen lets me, I'll buy the parts from my SSI for Trish's X-mas present. If not, sometime when we have a fair amount of money in the bank, I'll go ahead with the project.

Since today is Trish's day off, it's mine, too. Juanita, Steve, & Yoshi can do without me until tomorrow. Maybe a fist fight is in order.

Until tomorrow, it's just some other time.

Philip K. Fantasy

The ongoing adventures of Philip K. "Fantasy" Peters (teenage D.A.R.E. brats really do want his Dick) suffered a blow when, this morning, I checked my email, to find a rejection slip from Futurismic. This does not really discourage me, QA is neither one of my best, nor one of Ted's best, pieces of writing. I'll have to run some searches, to find a market that we haven't tried yet. Even markets that only pay 1 cent a word can begin to build a fan base, though I had to withdraw it from ASIM, because of the insults they sent me on "Fragile Eggshell Mind". But then, they're an amateur publication, so you can expect their editor & volunteer readers to act amateurishly.

I did do a lot of writing yesterday, though I'm also still playing around with Hot or Not quite a bit. I don't feel attractive. I know Trish loves me, I know Kimothy would love to love me, but Kan't, but I still need to prove to myself that women like me, so I seek out fantasy friends on the web.

After Trish left for work, I started to play a lot of cassettes, simply 'cause I haven't used the machine in ages, & there's a lot of good music there that I haven't heard in ages. I continued to play them while Trish showered, thru supper -- b-b-q chicken, an experiment on my part -- & up to the point where she finished cleaning. We watched One Tree Hill on the CW, which I hit on channel surfing, but Will & Grace followed, & I must say I'm disgusted. After they try to show the humanness of Mr. Fruity, they turn around & poke fun at the mentally ill. I'm not watching this show any more.

I slept well on only 2 temazapam. Trish has the day off today, wants to sleep in, but I didn't wake up until almost 7:00.

Today we're planning on going to the bank, irregardless if the Layout is open or not. We have to check out some buckadingdongs for the weekend, including money for a pizza. Trish will do her TA with Car-girl today, which frees me up to write for awhile. I need to generate more conflict in the end of TC/MR, & do have an idea how to do it.

one more day to work, & I'll have made her mine...

...leave the wise to write, for they write worldly rhymes, for I have Trisha more than Kimothy Leary, & the purpose of this word-salad is simply to let you know, in a convoluted way, that Trish has the day off tomorrow -- which means I do, too, save for her TA with Car-girl.

Yesterday Cheri at Iron Claw House fixed us turkey dinner. Karen brought Fred along with her. Car-girl showed up around the time that they left, & we went out to Kame-Apart -- Wally World isn't opening until January -- & returned the pillow cases Trish had bought the week before. I drank a Diet Pepsi in the Eatery, but had to leave it in the car when we went up to the mall. Car-girl had bought some new pants & wanted to change them in the bathroom, but they were repainting it, hence the detour. After I picked up 5 buckadingdongs worth of canned food, I met Car-girl at the Gallery, to find that the change in venues had dampened her enthusiasm for discussing her Adlerian theories. All I can do is help her with systems theory, but if I do, she may have to give up her disbelief of evolution. Creationists suck almost as bad as Scientologists.

Trish arrived home shortly after I did. She immediately ate her plate from the Center, then had nothing but a piece of toast (as did I, but I put peanut butter on mine) & 1/2 a can of fruit the rest of the day; that's how stuffed we were. Trish started cleaning, so I added a scene to TC, then chatted with Jean a little until Jeff showed up. We had invited Jeffer Auss over to measure the shelf in the basement, where Trish has her speakers. It looks like, even considering the thickness of the wood, a 4-1/2" driver will fit in there.

We ended up watching Rennaisance Man on Hallmark channel. Jeff finally left after about 1/2-way thru Will & Grace.

Last night, we experimented with a Quilty Bear-less bed. Toastie Bear kept us warm, anyway. I did try to reset the temperature & wound up accidentally shutting the blanket off. I had to wait 10 minutes for safeties' sake, but the blanket worked fine the rest of the night.

I did get up a little early, & fell asleep late. I'd hate to start taking 3 temazapam on a regular basis. I hope I'm not becoming manic again. It's fun when the buzz first hits you, U-boat can keep you in that hypomanic state indefinitely, but once you go over the edge, it feels miserable. I was thinking of asking Doc Larocque to take me off Depakote & treat me with straight Abilify, but now I'm unsure. We'll just have to see how I do in the next couple daze.

pre-Turkey day today (Layout style)

& yes, that means that I'll have to endure Cheri another time; you can't educate that woman about anything, as Deep-space Daddy-o always used to say: she'll turn anything/everything into an argument, & you can't reason with her. Like the other day, I commented on how the batteries at the dollar store are "old when they got there". Untrue. Panasomic batteries came with my DVD player, they quit working in no time, & they weren't "old" or purchased from the dollar store; they came from K-Mart -- when I tried to tell her this, she simply re-stated her original statement.

It's good to be able to socialize with other people with mental illnesses, but I wish they'd get someone in there who actually knows what s/he's doing. Car-girl gives me intellectual stimulation, so I attend the Layout as infrequently as possible, though I will attend today: it's our early Thanksgiving dinner.

Yesterday, I wasted most of the day, but at least it wasn't on Hot or Not, though some chick sent me an email. I reworked the first 1/2 of TC, before going out to the soup kitchen for lunch -- the preacher seems to time his sermons to my leaving, & I don't give a damn what the Bible has to say about evolution, mostly 'cause I went thru a Fundamentalist phase myself, in the wake of a hallucination, a demonic apparition; then I really got sick & saw God die.

After lunch, I didn't feel like writing any more, so I watched Terminator 2, until just about the time Trish came home. She really threw herself into cleaning -- we're 90% caught up on the laundry now -- while I just watched TV, & didn't even practice my instrument.

I did look thru my drawers for my Muhammad Ali autographs & the letter he sent me, while Trish showered. I couldn't find them, though I know that they're in the house somewhere. Ali calling me his "brother" should prove I'm Kool.

A horse is a horse...

...of course, of course, unless of course, it's the famous Mr. ED. I've struggled with this problem for the last 8 or 9 years, ever since I came back from the ER & they put a spike into my vein, filled with haldol, the most potent antipsychotic known to man. Of course, having a side-effect would be a Scientologist's dream, but fuck those ignorant clods, anyway.

So last night, Trish gave me a real atomic blowjob. Unfortunately, many of the symptoms of ED lingered, even though I've only had 1/4 shot a week ago. If this persists, I'll have to get a 'script for Viagra, but want to wait until after I've had my heart checked out; Viagra can cause problems there.

Also, Kim did not Kum yesterday. In the past she's (apparently) tried to psych out when Trish is at work, & then deliberately try to show up then. Maybe it was the way that I rejected her a couple weeks ago that has her putting more distance between us. At least I was able to finish another draft of TC in OpenOffice. Changing to a new word-processor can be difficult, but this program conveniently completes words for you.

Some of the romance had to go, as being non-essential to the plot. It entered the story in an earlier draft, when I was thinking of making it into a relativistic-relationship thing, which has actually been done to death. I'm using the romance between the 2 characters & dropping the affair with the husband back home simply as a way to introduce the character's religiousity -- pre-marital sex is a sin; OK, so maybe you can use a condom after all, but it's still a sin.

The story definitely needs the characters pumped up; nobody is solid save for the heroine, & that's because I do my best writing cross-gender, though I'm not sure why.

Trish rode the taxi to work & back for the first time yesterday. The husband wanted to argue that it hadn't gone thru yet; I grabbed the phone & told him Voc Rehab had called me; his wife told him to do it.

We had leftover shepherd's pie for supper last night. Trish wanted to clean in the basement, so I watched The Wall while she worked. I'd just listened to Meddle & A Saucerful of Secrets before supper, on tape. I'm getting sick of all my CDs, so I decided to check out my tapes.

We definitely need to procure more hi-quality speakers for the basement. The center-channel speaker has improved things a lot, but on non-Dolby Digital DVDs, the little side speakers sound terrible. I'm planning on creating a 4-1/2" 2-way satellite, out of a Pioneer full-range, a piezo tweeter, an L-pad, & a 1st-order Butterworth crossover. This will put the peak of the full-range under the low-pass filter, while filtering out the resonance of the piezo. The L-pad is there as, not only does the driver need to be tapered off (piezos are hot), but to lower the impedance, so the crossover will see the tweeter. All we really need to do is have Jeffer Auss measure the cubby-hole dimensions to see if it'll fit, & then order the parts. We can do it for under $100, & on Friday will have another paycheck in the bank.

Today, I hope to continue work on TC. Once I think it's near-perfect, I'll run it thru Critters. I'll have to check my participation ratio. So far, I haven't received one of those "Critters misses you" notes in a long time.

Soon, it will be breakfast of pancakes. Tomorrow, I go to the Perky Pam Layout for turkey dinner. I want to be ready.

I found my own true love...

...it was on a blue Sunday. Cold, but no mass -- like tachyon critters, it has an imaginary mass.

So I checked the weather after I made the coffee (1/2-caff, but I make it stronger), & checked my email -- spam, save for a BadGrrl thing, which I erased; & my spam quarantine summary, which I ignored. Then I checked the weather. Below freezing wind-chills (& Cheri can realistically glue her mirror in place), but Trish told me yesterday that the taxi had argued with her, that her Voc Rehab rides didn't begin until next week. If she can't get a ride today, when it's cold, how will she get to work tomorrow, when the snow is expected to hit? In 45 minutes we'll find her intentions, following breakfast of pancakes.

Yesterday was a pretty typical Saturday, although I skipped the soup kitchen; breakfast had filled me up. Instead I had a can of raviolis, which turned out to be our last one. I thought we still had 1/2 a zillion of them. We'll have to buy more at the dollar store. I also had a piece of peanut butter bread & a slice of bread with cheese. I hope when the haldol wears out of my system that I'll stop eating so much. I certainly hope that my ED will go away. The only real titillation I have seems to come from fantasies, & I want my Bumble Bee Girl to be the only one in the world. Especially a world without Kimothy; she seems to psych out times when Trish is at work & show up then; hopefully, the cold weather will keep her in the Eagle's Manor & her slithy toves in her bra. I dread Sundays, blue or otherwise -- at least for the last couple weeks -- 'cause I'm afraid of her hanging around, making puppy dog eyes & then crying when I sign, "No sex".

It goes deeper than that, & part of the problem is also the Hot or Not page. I seem to find myself trawling it for double-matches, most of whom aren't star members (& thankfully, the one star member on my list is married), or using the Icy Queue Chat to contact Chinese women, Jean Genie being the latest. (After all the phone calls, I wonder whatever happened to Joey.)

But once I'd finished all this use/misuse of the Internet, I had a fine time, re-making/re-modeling Ted's version of TC. The problem now is figuring out if I need to cut the character's affair (Kimothy Leery's dread) or else make the sex/romance a central element of the story. Plus, this was among my first uses of OpenOffice, so I had to stop to figure things out a couple times.

I'd just finished the draft when Trish called, saying the taxi grab had failed. I went out on the porch to wait for her, then decided to rake the leaves, instead of letting Trish do it. It started raining & hailing after I'd swept about 1/2 of them into the street, so I quit.

The Bumble Bee Girl walked up a few minutes later. She rested for a few minutes, then took her shower, while I played Blue Sunday. I may want to make a waltz out of Crystal Ship, or do Light My Fire with a bossa nova beat. Fred should be helpful on this. I'm still working very hard on my rhythm, though.

We had shepherd's pie for supper; the back-of-can recipe that Lisa had made for the Layout, when she still worked downstairs. Trish & I both worked on it, between bouts of Penguins. She chopped the onion & made the spuds, while I fried the meat & threw it all together.

After supper, Trish cleaned the kitchen, while I listened to my real atomic stereo. I've been reading up on piezos & crossovers, preparing to build something decent for Trish's home theater downstairs. The original speakers are crap.

When Trish had finished, we watched some TV. I feel that, as long as we're paying 50 buckadingdongs a month, we ought to get our money's worth.

We went to bed a little early, & I slept well, on only 2 sleeping pills. Toastie Bear was a damn good investment.

Lucy in the Skies, if you are reading this, I'd appreciate your input.

Leery, O'really

Today Trish walked to work, in weather that's certainly a lot more gorgeous than the ice & snow of a week or 2 ago. This does not have me Leery. Kimothy has me Leery. She likes to come over on days she knows Trish is working & silently beg for sex. OK, so I have no plans for O'really having an affair with the deaf, dumb & blonde girl, & sometimes I enjoy watching her babble about her cat & her goldfish bowl, but mostly, I think I should simply ask her not to come over at inconvenient times, slithy toves & mimsy borograves or otherwise.

So Trish is becoming more highly sexual, & hopefully, once the haldol is out of my blood & the blood is out of my head, I'll be able to shoot the orgasm-death without fantasizing about someone else's Noncorean-like toves. (Actually, they're bigger than that.) I may still need a 'script for Viagra, but I wanted to give the shot awhile to wear out of my system before I ask for a new drug.

So yesterday, we skipped the Layout -- I think it was closed for Vet's Day, anyway -- & ate at Feed My Sheep, where Trish found us some gi-huge avocados. We went shopping for ingredients for a shepherd's pie, which took up the rest of the food stamp card + about 2 buckadingdongs of real money. Really O'leary. After that we watched Bedazzled in the basement while Trish did laundry, then moved upstairs after supper to watch Britney. I took a nap, in order to stay up late for Battlestar Galactica, & to test out Toastie Bear -- he works fine.

This morning I woke up with the alarm, fixed brecchie of toasted frog, then sat around drinking coffee with Trish, until she had to go. She phoned home, then I put on my headphones. I'm not planning on going to the Soup Kitchen today; I'll stay home & eat sketti-0's & a sandwich, which should give me a chance to talk with Buffalo Bob.

Now, I've got to find something to do until then. I'm starting to rework MR, but it's in OpenOffice, so I'll need to consult the help menu, if I can't figure out how to use find & replace just looking at the menu.

Toastie Bear... toast?

We haven't used the electric blanket for a couple of days, since it's been warm. The weather is finally cooling back down -- it's 29 out there -- so last night, we turned on Toastie Bear. I only turned the blanket up to 3, but Trish complained that she was cold -- I thought 3 would be enough -- then said she could feel the heat, & this morning, I was cold in bed, when I woke up at 6:20. I went to take a leak, woke Trish up to take her Synthroid, then turned up the heat. Trish says she feels warmer, but the blanket doesn't feel warm to the touch. I really hope Toastie Bear isn't toast. We haven't abused the thing, like by going bouncy-bouncy on it, for example: when Trish gave me a real atomic blowjob last night, we moved Toastie Bear off the bed, & if he's busted, his miniature microprocessor brain is supposed to display an error message. The main problem is that Trish gets paranoid when I turn the heat up too much, but tonight I'm turning it up to 4, just to start. With Quilty Bear also on the bed, it can be hard to tell which one is keeping you warm. Since the blanket has a 5-year warranty, I'll definitely try to find the warranty card & mail it in.

I've also just mailed AD, yesterday, when I was out with Car-girl, who kept lol on every page, but didn't understand the crystallogy. I sent it to F&SF, who are most likely to return it with a form, but I figured the 2-3 bucks in postage made it worthwhile to try a "major market", even though I can't stand 90% of the stuff that they publish. This is part of the problem. I can't sit down with an issue, psych out what the editor wants (Invisible Hog), & give it to him.

We also picked up some bread at the bread store, so even if Toastie Bear is toast, we can have real toast. I rarely have toast for brecchie, I have it as a snack. I didn't snack too much yesterday, though, as the Layout went out to the Duck Inn for the all-you-can eat buffet & I had weiner-schnitzels, among other things.

When I got home Trish was playing Penguins & the 5 CDs in the changer, including Phish, Britney (what else?), Eurhythmics, & Rock-&-Roll Fantasy. She became disappointed when I relayed the news to her that Car-girl had to haul Jeremy around town & would be an hour late; why, then, couldn't I watch Britney?, she said. (One of the most common errors in Critters is dialogue punctuation. I can't count the number of people who say, "'[quote].' He said.".) So, we put in the Live from Las Vegas DVD. When Car-girl did show up, I just watched TV while Trish was gone. I didn't feel like watching a DVD or VHS. We kept the TV going, when she showed up with some pillow cases & a couple suckers, then I fixed a nugget meal TV dinner, while Trish simply ate a sandwich. We headed to bed a little early, as I guess the 3 temazapam that I had in my system from the night before were still kicked in. I only took 2 last night, which may make the difference between staying up to watch Battlestar Galactica or recording it.

Today, we're going to the Layout. We do this occassionally, to keep Trish's rides to work active, which just cleared yesterday.

Also, I'm happy with Tester replacing Burns. I'm glad President Gas won't be getting his every proposal rubber-stamped by Congress. The 08 election will also be interesting. Meet the new boss (George W. Bush): same as the old boss (Hitler).

"Duck" tape day today

Today, after breakfast of cereal (we still don't have a new hamster), Trish & I will ride the Invisible Taxi to the Clinic, for her foot doctor appointment. I'm hoping that we can get the duct tape off, as she's having an allergic reaction to it.

Yesterday, I stayed home from the Layout, in order to finish "Astronomy Domine". I found an earlier draft, which included the conclave of scientists & mystics, & copied-&-pasted it into the rewrite, then rewrote that slightly. I printed it up, shortly before going to the soup kitchen. I had a hot dog, chips, navy bean soup, salad, fruit salad, & dessert.

When I came home, I surfed the seas of Cyberia, then read all the crits of MR Ted forwarded me. Just when I got off the computer, Bumble Bee Girl called. She had finished early, & was worried about her Voc Rehab appointment. That went smoothly; all she had to do was sign a form, but it took forever to explain it to her.

When we came home, I fried some chicken & made smothered chicken & rice from a box. Although it was spicy, Trish liked it.

She did some housecleaning after supper, while I once more used the computer. I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with Trish's basement speakers. We need something more atomic than the boxes that are sitting down there.

When Trish finished in the kitchen, we watched That 70s Show on FX, then went to bed early, so she could get up for the foot doctor.

In the news today, the Democrats took control of the Senate. This is cool. We need some way to keep Bush under control.

ding-dong, the Democrats won!

So this was only the House, so far. Burns & Tester are in a dead heat, as I write this. We didn't vote yesterday, as we'd already voted, absentee ballot. My feeling is that Bush, with his wiretapping, PATRIOT Act, & warmongering, is way out of control, & we need the Democrats in Congress to effectively hobble him until eventually he just goes away.

Other than the Election, Tuesday did not seem out of the ordinary. Trish & I ate our French toast, sat around drinking coffee while listening to CDs, then she walked to work. Which the minimum wage hike passed here in Montana, so her paychecks will become a lot bigger.

After she called, to let her sweet Pookie Bear know that she'd arrived at work safely (more a concern when she's driving than when she's walking), I started work on AD. I need to reinstate the Solar Conference, & am hoping that I can find an old draft somewhere, to copy-&-paste out of. I want to finish this story so I can start work on TC. It is movement & repose. I'm going to try to finish & print it this afternoon, to mail tomorrow. I want to submit it to Leading Edge, who work like a writers' workshop, so hopefully, if it sells there, I have $40, if not, I'll have some feedback for a new F&SF draft. Who, in spite of their name, never publish much science fiction -- even though they say that they're looking for more.

When TA-time came, Car-girl & I drove out to Pizza Hut, to show Say Bra the camera. We finally haggled her into taking the damn thing off our hands for 50 buckadingdongs, which is what the pawn shop would give.

So we left our boneless, skinless chicken breast in the fridge & went out to El Taco Loco. Trish had a chicken enchilada, while I had a Crazy Taco, rice, beans, & enchilada, but I asked for beans in my taco, & had to exchange it.

We shopped at Albertson's immediately afterward, around 6:00, after dark when it starts to be a little scary after dark. Trish picked up some pads -- her period returned -- & some cleaning supplies. Once we were home, she did her housecleaning chore, while I glued myself to the election results. We went to bed around 10:00, couldn't get to sleep -- we had to remove Quilty Bear as it was hot in bed; Toastie Bear didn't even get turned on. Although I only fell asleep after midnight, in spite of 3 temazapam, I woke up early.

My finger is still sore from scalding myself with the coffee the other day. Trish made me put a band-aid on it, but to keep her happy, I'll call the nurse. Tomorrow the doctor takes the duct tape off her foot, & I hope that she won't need more, as she's having a reaction to the glue.

So this afternoon decides the fate of AD. I want to finally move to something else, then finish Noc-Lar, though I may have to take out Ula-tek. The original is Hippolyta, but I'm a Heavy Metal addict. I'd really like to finish Phoenix Enthralled & submit it to Stan as a serial. It's one of my best pieces, beyond Mindstorm moments.

the beginning of another typical Tuesday

Well, it would be another typical Tuesday, except Car-girl will be bringing me home early, as Say Bra from Trish's job wants to look at our camera; piece of junk, anyway, Biggie should've bought something for my stereo. Am in process of trying to find someone (Ed) to build some boxes for the downstairs rec room. Want to use full ranges for the front woofer, a 3-in. tweeter I already have, & full-ranges for the rear, with no tweeter. Crossovers will be Dayton Audio with 6 db/octave on the low-pass filter & 12 on the high-pass filter. It should sound real atomic.

So yesterday I had my final shot of haldol, & fuck Scientology. Trish & I walked over to the Layout about 20 'til 10:00, & she drove it in, she drove it deep, & when the haldol's in my blood & the blood is in my head then I'm better off than dead -- cuz it makes me feel like I'm a man when she puts a spike into my vein: no more. Now I have the Abilify to carry on.

Cheri served a hamburger steak for lunch. At least Mary's high cholesterol might improve the food there. Then I came home, & discovered Trish's insurance refund in the mailbox. I got online to read the debate between Dawkins & some X-ian, but the web page had changed since the morning. Top story today the election. Wound up watching Heavy Metal, the last time I'll see it on haldol.

One of the drivers gave Trish a ride home. Apparently, he was bored. He said the kid who harrassed Trish yesterday is gone. Good riddance. Trish relaxed for a couple minutes, then took her shower, while i played around with the keyboard. We had leftover sketti for supper, followed by some housecleaning. Trish had a real bad day yesterday. Part of it is PMS; she took her vitamin & it seemed to help a little, but -- she became very angry when I suggested vacuuming the other 1/2 of the living room, & angry over insignificant details. She finally wound up calling Karen when I was in the bathtub. She seemed to do a fair amount better after that.

We stayed up until 10:00, & watched stupid sit-coms. We have to break Trish of her habit of wanting to go to bed early to "hide from the world".

The alarm is about to go off. I have to go & make breakfast of pancakes. We've had French toast the last couple of days. I'll stay home & write until I see Car-girl at 1:00.

final shot today (return to the Perky Pam Layout)

Today is my final day for a haldol shot; 1/4 shot, then I'm off it. It is raining this morning, so Trish may try to find a ride.

Yesterday, Trish woke up with the 2 alarms -- one for Synthroid, the 2nd for brecchie -- & had me fix French toast, which she wants again today.

When she left the house, I surfed the darkened seas for awhile, ate some sketti-o's for lunch, then worked on AD. If not complete now, it's very close to completion.

When I finished it -- I think I may want to tamper with the Persian airflight thing more -- I took a bath, & I heard chimes. Or thought I did. I fear that it might be Kim, that she's figured out Trish's work schedule & will forever after show up then -- when Sunday is one of those long stretches where I really do get a lot of good writing time in.

Trish walked home, & it was actually warm enough for me to wait on the porch. She had a bad day at work: some kid, who she thought was Kim's kid, had just started working at Pizza Hut, & he harrassed her by constantly stealing her rags & saying, "Wet me," after spraying them with water.

She skipped her shower until tonight, then after we had b-b-q pork, potatoes & green beans for supper, went down in the basement to do laundry, to the tune of Brian Ferry & Britney Spears.

John called, & I called Jerome about Biggie. John didn't have much time to talk, whereas Jerome was also in the middle of a dinner party.

I wish we could tell David that he has a mental illness. The skinny dog ruined his life.

I woke up in the middle of the night twice last night. The first time, I reset Toastie Bear, & accidentally got an "E", so I had to stay up 10 minutes to reset the blanket. Then I woke up around 5:00. When I finally got up, a minute before the alarm, I turned on the computer & went to make coffee. The coffee pot backed up, so I grabbed the filter basket & burned myself, before I got it to the sink.

Trish will be waking up soon. I go to explore PartsExpress.com & not HotorNot.com. This is all the result of being a little Kimothy Leery.

typical Saturday, though with Church

Saturday began typically enough: breakfast of pancakes (no breakfast of hamsters; Smelly Bear died), coffee with Trish in the Captain's chair listening to CDs she'd selected, then a walk to work. Although Becky had promised Trish a ride, the weather was gorgeous, so it wasn't necessary. Today is supposed to be warm with a few showers, so hopefully, she can walk. The batmobile is stranded out back, with Trish not-driving for 1/2 a year.

Once Trish left, & I got her call home, to let me know she was OK, I got online. I wasted some more time at that stupid Hot or Not site, which is fun but unnecessary: I'm married, but I do make sure to click on the ones that say "just looking for friends" or "not interested in an LTR". I ate at the Soup Kitchen, then did some shopping at Albertson's, with the food stamp card. They gave us $47 this month. I bought a roast, some chicken, & some veggies, which came out to be around 13-14 buckadingdongs.

Then I felt savage dread around 1:00, when I began work on "Astronomy Domine". Kimothy kame over that time last week, & she's prone to coming over & looking demanding when Trish is at work. Fortunately, nothing materialized.

Trish called shortly after 2:00, to let me know it'd been a slow day, & Becky was giving her a ride home, so we could get to Church. Trish & I ate our salads from Pizza Hut, then she took a shower, while I played Blue Sunday. I really have to learn another song. When she was out of the shower, I heated up our leftover spaghetti in the casserole dish, in the microwave. I've found it works better this way.

After church, we found an incoherent message from Donna on the answering machine -- she's either off her meds or thoroughly descoobied -- along with someone who sounded like Dave, saying "Hello" over & over again.

Trish wanted to go in the basement to watch her Britney Spears on her home theater & do laundry. She & I both feel that the speakers that came with the machine are pretty crappy, so I want to look around on PartsExpress.com to see what there is in the way of things that could be bought or built. After Britney, we watched Beavis & Butt-head Do America, then went to bed.

Today, I'm putting the finishing touches on AD. I submitted QA to Futurismic yesterday, & hopefully, they'll like my Philip K. Fantasy. Teenage D.A.R.E. Brats Want My Dick & Not My Philip K. Fantasy.

return of Toastie Bear

Friday was a good day, one of Trish's days off from spraying down dishes at Pizza Hut. Voc Rehab has yet to receive the paperwork back from the Invisible Taxi to get her rides on inclement days, but though it rained last night, that disappeared, & it's cloudy & warm -- 47F.

I slept poorly Thursday night, so Friday I was sort of burned out. This was really our first night with Toastie Bear, & I had to turn it back on for Trish, she spends so much time in bed, hiding from the world. It shuts off after 10 hours, so this is really a lot of time in bed, & one of the reasons I'm always up at 5:00.

So after brecchie (she has a Cathedral) & coffee, we went to the Courthouse to vote, absentee ballot. Trish didn't vote against Denny Rehberb; she left it blank. That disappointed me. I hate Rehberg's form letter responses, & I disagree with him about medical U-boat. I did vote for Tester; I also voted to hike the minimum wage to $6.15 an hour. Right now, Trish is making less than this.

We went to the Layout afterwards, where Cheri was being very unsympathetic & playing cards. Trish & I played War, & I won. We had cheesy quesadillo hamburger helper for lunch.

After lunch, I had to go back to the Invisible Clinic to have my EKG. They'd let me go without doing one Wednesday. We had the cabbie --who argued with Trish over the Medicaid Transport fare -- drop us off at Albertson's, where Trish did some grocery shopping. We get food stamps today, so I'm hoping to buy some more this afternoon.

We watched Firestarter, then Peter Gabriel (Play) while I fixed chicken & Trish fixed potatoes. We watched David Bowie while she showered, then she came & got me & we had some wonderful sex.

We stayed up to see Battlestar Galactica. Previously, we'd been taping it. I pretty much fell asleep immediately, & then we had Toastie Bear, to keep us warm all night. I woke up at 6:00, then I fell back asleep until 7:00. Trish took her pill & I checked the email. The only thing on the news is that some evangelical turned out to be Mr. Fruity. Serves him right. Maybe people will stop listening to those people. Hopefully, the same thing will happen for Scientology.

Toastie Bear + Quilty Bear = real cool heat

Yes, we finally have Toastie Bear, though we endured much (Cheri's cooking) in order to get him. We both had therapy appointments, & I discussed with Joe exactly why I'm Kimothy Leery -- she always knows exactly which way she's gonna go. We also discussed the double-match I deleted, which led in turn to questions of my writing -- Neptune, Titan, stars can frighten. (Yes, Pink Floyd would've been an entirely different band, had they used a mellotron, rather than an organ.)

So then Cheri served us some baked chicken, mashed potatoes, gravioli, broccoli, & peas. At that point, Car-girl called to un-cancel, then picked me up late. She was really sick, so she didn't want to come into Kame-Apart with me. Instead, she elected to remain in the car. I had trouble locating the electric blankets, & had to ask for some help. Then we went to the Dollar Store & Car-girl had tea in the Gallery, following which she proclaimed that she felt like throwing up, so she agreed to pick up the Mighty Insect Slayer at 1/4 to 4:00.

It didn't happen, which really disturbed Trish, exacerbating her paranoia. She feels Car-girl likes me more than her, since I'm intelligent & she has a learning disability. Trish also complained, when I tried to defend Car-girl, saying she's sick, that "she's always sick".

It ruined her whole day, so rather than stay home to eat, she wanted to eat at El Taco Loco. I told her we'd go Dutch, as I'd given her $20 for groceries, & I was afraid she'd over-spend, had I allowed her to pay for both of us. She had a chicken enchilada & a chicken quesadillo, while I just had the taco & fries special, albeit I asked for beans in my taco.

Trish played Penguins when we came back, while running a load of dishes. I got on the phone to Wako, until Trish wanted to watch Buffy. We stayed up until 10:00 watching the end of Alien Resurrection on Starz.

Toastie Bear had some way cool heat last night. I suggested leaving Quilty Bear on the bed while we slept, as Toastie Bear automatically turns off after 10 hours. Earlier in the day, we'd plugged him in, fiddled around with the controls a bit, & got an error message. The instruction book said to turn it off, wait 10 minutes, & turn it on again. I think the error is simply displayed when the thing has been turned on immediately after having the thing on hi-heat. We may need that when it's 20 below, but 3 worked fine last nite, though when I woke up, I briefly turned it up to 4. It had stopped automatically when Trish got up to take her synthroid, so I turned it back on again.

This morning, we're going out to vote. It's not Erection Day yet (that's reserved for my Bumble Bee Girl), but we're voting by absentee ballot. I'm voting for Tester, & against Rehberg. I think he's useless, as he only answers his email with form letters that show he didn't even bother to read the stuff. After that, we're going to the Layout, followed by my EKG. The lab forgot to tell me I should've had the test, but said I could come in "any time", so I arranged with Medicaid transport to pick me up at 1:00. Taxi grab.

heart exam

Wednesday, Car-girl, who still sounded sick (she thinks she has the flu) assented to give Trish a ride to work -- then when she finally came home, Trish pouted & complained that Car-girl had said, "You could've walked". Yeah, in this weather? It was 8F wind chill. & it's probably the last time it'll ever happen; Voc Rehab will be paying for her cab rides this winter, once she signs the paperwork.

While Trish was away, I reworked "Astronomy Domine" a bit. The initial attempt at rewriting led from one slutty woman to another, & I just erased what I'd done for the last day or so. Perhaps I'll introduce another minor character, & make him a military man. Anyway, I may not have time this morning, & Trish has the day off, so we're going to the Layout.

Around 1/4 after 2:00 the Invisible Cab Co. picked me up, to take me to the Clinic. Dr. Nolan did some lab tests, including a chest X-ray, then put me on a list to be put on a heart monitor.

When I finally made it home my Beautiful Bumble Bee Girl was not waiting for me -- since it'd warmed up, I went & waited on the porch. She finally showed up, around 10 til 4:00. She'd brought a personal pan pizza with her. After relaxing for a bit, she took her shower & I played Blue Sunday in multiple rhythms & voices.

Jeffer Auss came over around 7:00, & for once, we had a dialogue, rather than TV/movie. He left around 9:00. When he was gone Trish wanted to finish off the sherbet. I slept well.

I have my appointment with Joe today. It's necessary. I feel bad. I really felt Kimothy Leery the other day, & it's come back to haunt me.

Halloween, 06

The hamster died Monday. Poor Smelly Bear, he was a happy, happy hamster, even though he was a pig: we think he ate himself to death, that we left out way too much food on our trip, then fed him more when we came back home.

We put Smelly Bear into dumpster heaven, then headed out for the Layout. Cheri was cooking hamburger soup. Bleh! Then she babbled about how we can't eat at Pizza Hut cuz "some people have high cholesterol".

Karen gave Trish a ride to work, after we stopped at the Iron Claw Credit Union & took out the money for house insurance. We also canceled our car insurance, as Trish won't be driving this winter. I ate at the Soup Kitchen instead of the Layout. Greasy spoon.

So Trish had the day off, Halloween -- she had a physical with Dr. Laktovich, who decreased her thyroid. When she came home she did a little cleaning & laundry. Fred came by, to take the battery out of the car & move it around to the back. We went & got some air in the tires, then he removed the battery & we stuck it in the basement. He stayed to listen to me play "Blue Sunday" & agrees that my rhythm has improved considerably. In fact, he was ready to go before I was ready to quit.

I took a nap while Trish watched Britney. I'd slept poorly the night before; last night I took 3 temazapam & fuck Scientology. We ate some ravioli/beefaroni & vegetables for supper, then watched TV until Ed & Denise arrived at 7:30 with the incredible munchies: grape juice & sherbet ice cream. No trick-or-treaters, but the guy from the water company came to tell us the water main had busted & they wouldn't be able to fix it until this morning. It finally came back on around 11:00, about 15 minutes before Car-girl showed up to take Trish to work. She was sick. I hope Trish can understand that. I just hope it doesn't interfere with our getting Toastie Bear. The bedroom's so cold, we need him.

I see Dr. Nolan this afternoon, to have my heart checked out. It flutters & I feel weak. Abilify is contraindicated in heart patients, but I'll still say it: FUCK SCIENTOLOGY!